Month: January 2022

Posted on

LIVING THE BEST ‘YOU’ AFTER 50…

  LIVING THE BEST ‘YOU’ AFTER 50… Are you living the Best ‘YOU’ after 50? First of all, where the hell did those 50 years go, anyway? We are now, well, over 50-years-old, and it is our time to be who we want to be. We are most probably empty nesters, or close to it, and so used to doing and being everything that everyone wanted us to be that we forgot who we are. Don’t you feel like that? I know I did. It also took me quite a while to stop being everything for everyone. I didn’t even know how to start being ‘ME!’ Push up your sleeves girls, and start reading. If you don’t know who you are or what you want to do or be now that you are done ‘Being’ for everyone else, you will have ideas on how to find out by the time you are done reading. It’s time to focus on You and what living the BEST ‘YOU’ means to You.  A Few Questions to Ask Yourself: What does living the best ‘Me’ mean to me? What would that look like?

Am I happy where I am in my life?

Am I happy with who I am?

Am I happy with my relationships? 

Are the people I have relationships with encouraging me to be my best?

Do I take the time to do self care?

Do I have a hard time saying “No!”

Am I doing things that make me happy?

Am I doing things that I’m truly passionate about?

Do I delegate?

Am I stuck in a dead-end job that I absolutely hate waking up to go to?

How do I feel emotionally and physically?

Okay now, dig deep and answer those questions honestly! Get a journal, notebook, computer, whatever and write down the questions and answers, along with the date. The most important thing is to focus on living the best you, what that means and how can you get there… Now What?  You’re asking, ‘Now What?’ Well, I will tell you what…Now, you start working on You. Start sitting with yourself in quiet, asking yourself any of these questions…maybe the one that bothers you the most. And just sit and meditate and just BE. Don’t sit and try to answer the question. Just sit in quiet. Focus on your breathing. If your thoughts start to wander, just validate the thought and continue focusing on your breathing. Inhale, counting 1-2-3-4, Exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4…. That is one thing you can do. Sitting in quiet and just ‘being’ can open the door to what you are looking for. Deep breathing from the belly, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through your mouth, relaxing your shoulders and a straight spine, and just focus on your body, and allow yourself to release any tension…just breathing and focusing.  Another is once you write down the answers, pick one question to focus on at a time, otherwise, it can get very overwhelming, possibly even depressing, agitating, fearful, etc. One little step at a time. Look at the answer and say, you were working on the question about are you doing things you are passionate about. First, write down what you are passionate about. You may want to write somethings down, or even one thing down, and go back a little later and think of more things you are passionate about (if you are having a hard time answering this). When you get at least 5 items down, take one item at a time and think about when the last time was when you did that. You can write down the date. Go to each item until you are done. If you have done them, that’s great! Try to think of other things you are passionate about but haven’t done. If you haven’t done them, write down next to the date, how you could incorporate that into your life. Then, take the time and effort to start doing what you are passionate about. You don’t have to go wild with it, just one item at a time.  A big one is self care. If you don’t do any self care, START. That is a necessity. You are worthy of giving yourself time to take care of yourself. Ideas for self care are pamper yourself – whatever that means to you; go for a walk or exercise, yoga; get a massage, meditate, take a bubble bath, sit down in your favorite spot and read a book you’ve been interested in, meet a friend for a cup of coffee, get a manicure, stay in your jammies and watch movies all day, etc. You are Enough and, You are Worthy to do things that rejuvenate you and make you happy and feel energized. If you feel guilty doing this for yourself, get a friend to do it with you. Think about all that you do for others and not for yourself. If you feel better about yourself after doing self care, that will help you live the best version of you. Now you have somewhere to start on this journey of finding how you can live the Best You after 50 and so on. By focusing on You, what you are doing in your life, people you spend time with, how you feel about yourself, etc., you will start to see more of what you want. Be open and allow the real you to come out and live the best version of you!
Posted on

3 WAYS TO FIND BALANCE AFTER 50…

3 WAYS TO FIND BALANCE AFTER 50…

Do you go through your day rushing here and there and forgetting to do the things you needed to get done, or, do you go through your day with ease and fluidity? Which would you prefer? I’m guessing that it would be the latter; going through your day with ease and fluidity. Isn’t that a goal in life, to have calmness and allow things to just happen the way that is best for us? Well, this is our time to not only start thinking about this, but actually living it! It’s not that hard once you know what you need to do. So, here are 3 ways that you can find the balance you desire with ease and harmony.

  • What is your WHY? Why do you want to have a life of ease and fluidity? Dig down and keep asking yourself, ‘why’. So, for example, maybe you want a balanced life with ease and fluidity because you hate the chaos. Okay, but ‘why’ don’t you like the chaos? What else do you want and why? I can guarantee you, it’s not because you want an easier life. The answer is probably around the fact that you want a life of freedom, peace, or ease. 
  • Take 3 to 5 deep belly breaths. Relax your shoulders, breathe in through your nose and out through your nose or mouth and breathe slowly. Sit in quiet and just ask the question, “What would it feel like to live a life of ease and fluidity?” Don’t answer the question, just put it out there. Your question will be answered, just be open to it. It may not happen immediately. Just keep breathing slowly and focus on your body. What do you feel in your body, starting at your head and go down to your feet. Is there any tightness in your chest due to the chaos and overwhelm? Is there any pain? How big is this pain, tightness? What emotions come up? If you could name the color of  the physical pain/emotion, what would that color be? What is the shape of this pain, emotion? When you feel relaxed you can stop.
  • Now that you have your ‘Why” and you are aware of what you are feeling in your    body, it is time to choose ease into your body. You have to make the decision, the choice to feel ease and to live with fluidity. Even if you don’t feel the ease, just stop and breathe. State to yourself, “I choose to live in a state of ease and harmony.” You have to catch yourself when you start feeling overwhelmed and just caught up in the moment. Stop and breathe. You can put your hand over your heart and breathe through your heart. Breathing slowly and deeply. When you inhale, count to 4, and when you exhale, count to 4. Just keep repeating “I choose to live in a state of ease and harmony/fluidity.” Picture what your life looks like in a state of ease and harmony/fluidity. Tell yourself, “It’s okay that you keep going back to chaos. It’s okay. I love you. I am here with you.” The biggest thing is making this choice to live the life you desire and to be aware of your slipping back into the chaos, and breathing ease in. 

So, now you have 3 steps to start living a life of balance. It isn’t that hard, but it is something that takes a while to remember to keep going back to these steps when you fall back into the chaos and overwhelm. It takes 21 days to make a habit. Give this at least 21 days, faithfully doing these practices. I do this every morning when I wake up, before getting out of bed; along with my gratitude practice, etc. You will be amazed when you start to see changes. You may not even realize it at first. Enjoy living a life of balance, your life of ease and harmony. 

Posted on

Finding Health, Happiness and Grace

HEALTH, HAPPINESS AND GRACE

Are you in the habit of practicing grace? It sounds wonderful to do, however, we all get pushed and pulled by everyday life and it’s ups and downs that, at most times, guide us toward harboring anger and frustration. If we just take some time before we speak to gather our feelings and speak from a state of grace versus from a state of anger and frustration. This is how practicing grace can improve our overall health and lifestyle. By treating people the way we want to be treated, we decrease stress, anger and frustration, which all cause dis-ease. By practicing grace, we improve ourselves overall. 

What exactly is grace? Kathy Gottberg, author of ‘Finding Grace,’ defines graces as, “While the usual definition attaches all sorts of religious interpretations to the word, it is equally possible to accept it as a commonplace way of describing a serendipitous stream of unexpected good. In a similar way, that the word graceful is used to define elegance, refinement, and flow, grace-full can be used to describe an unhindered movement toward the unexpected and unearned rewards of a happy and fulfilled life.” Brene Brown states, “GRACE means that all of your mistakes now serve a PURPOSE instead of feeling shame.” In Kirsten Powers book, ‘Saving Grace,’ she states to “Speak your truth, stay centered, and learn to co-exist with people who drive you nuts.” By setting boundaries for yourself for what you are willing to discuss and what you aren’t willing to dive into, is practicing grace. When you set the boundaries, you don’t allow yourself to get into a situation that you may not be able to act in a state of grace. You may end up blowing up to people that just drive you crazy. (And, we all have those people in our families, as friends and work relations).  In the Mom-Forum, ’10 Ways to Practice Grace in your Daily Life,’ they say, “Practicing grace is making daily choices to interact in the world with courtesy and good will. That doesn’t mean you disregard boundaries but you give yourself space to be flexible with your perceived reality with acceptance and kindness.” Grace isn’t an easy process to start. It takes daily practice, along with ‘trial and error.’ Be patient with yourself.

Okay, so now we know what grace is, how do we start incorporating grace into our lives? According to the Mom-Forum, there are “10 Ways to Practice Grace in your Daily Life,” briefly stated below, per Mom-Forum:

  1. Starting with yourself by treating yourself with kindness.
  2. Learn to let go. We can’t control everything in our lives. Don’t hold onto things that end up putting you in a negative space.
  3. Practice daily gratitude. If you start from a state of thankfulness it’s much easier to act with grace. 
  4. Forgive. Let go of the anger. 
  5. Apologize. Accept responsibility for your actions.
  6. Be mindful. Be aware of how you move through your daily life. Try to be attuned to your feelings, your environment, and those you interact with.
  7. Speak kindly. Kind words can go a long way.
  8. Have compassion. When you act from a place of compassion, you are extending goodwill to those around you.
  9. Accept people for who they are. People are who they are and you can’t change them. Acceptance of who someone is allows you to make a better choice about how to interact with them moving forward.
  10. Have a sense of humor. We often take life too seriously. Sometimes a good laugh will do you better than a good cry.

 

I really looked at Mom-Forum’s 10 Ways to Practice Grace…, as above, and it sounds easy; however, it does take practice and a commitment to follow the above 10 steps above. It’s kind of like dieting. You can’t just make quick changes to your diet, you need to make it a life change, and commit to that life change.

Other steps you can take is set boundaries for yourself. What topics do you refuse to discuss with others? We were always taught don’t discuss religion, politics or money with others. That may be a good place to start! Another step is to write down some of these tips that you can put on your computer, bathroom mirror, or refrigerator as a reminder. The more you see your ‘cheat sheet,’ the more it will be on your mind. 

So how does finding and practicing grace help to improve your health? Look at how practicing gratitude changes your life. It makes you feel happier, more positive; makes you more aware of opportunities around you; makes you feel lighter; and makes it easier to deal with negative situations, for starters. This, in turn, decreases stress, which improves your health. The lighter and happier you feel allows you to address negative situations with increased grace, allowing you to build better and stronger relationships. When you are able to decrease stress, your immune system improves, you breathe easier and tend to lead a healthier life by eating healthier and exercising. Grace is like an extension of gratitude, which is why we benefit in the same ways from practicing grace as from having an attitude of gratitude. 

After reading this, my hope is that even one person decides to start practicing grace. It not only will help this world we live in, but will help you. You will feel better in so many ways. Just watch. Try it for 21 days and see how different you feel and how different you act. One person at a time…