Are you a caregiver? Are you taking care of a family member, loved one or friend, or getting paid to take care of someone who requires assistance in self-care, social or other physical support? If you are, then you understand how difficult it is, especially when others do not realize how much it takes…of your time, your life, your health, and your spirit.
I’ve worked in the healthcare field for many, many years caring for seniors, educating family members and others on dementia care, and was a caregiver for my mom, who had dementia for over 10 years. It’s a difficult job physically, emotionally, spiritually, and even financially, but also one that gives back so much. It meant so much for me to care for my mom. It wasn’t easy, as my dad had just unexpectedly passed away and my sisters and I became full-time caregivers, besides me working full-time and 2 prn jobs, and being a single parent with 2 girls. But, it was a time I could give back to my mom and spend precious time with her.
One of the problems with being a caregiver is we are so busy taking care of our loved one (or client), that we don’t take care of ourselves. Other family members may not realize how much work, how difficult it is on you emotionally and physically, and again, even financially. It can also be detrimental to your spouse/partner, kids, etc. You have got to take care of yourself, otherwise, you will be of no service to your loved one. Many people say I have nobody else to watch my parent, what am I to do? Be creative. I have had clients ask a neighbor, check at churches, check their local human services department. People want to help, you just have to ask. Get Respite care for a couple days, week or two.
Self-care is so huge when you are a caregiver. Taking 5 minutes out of your morning to just sit in quiet and BE. Ask someone to stay with your loved one and go out for a walk, to the gym, meet a friend for coffee and/or lunch, get your hair done or a facial, watch a funny movie, or how about just sit and take deep belly breaths all the way down to your pelvis? Or try EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)/Tapping to calm your nervous system? These are just a few ways to just take a breather. You can do breathing exercises or tap with your loved one/cllient, or tap for them if they give you permission.
What about doing some self-care, but add your loved one in? Say it’s a nice day and you are dying to go for a walk. If your loved one has a wheelchair, take them with you. Sit outside with them and have lunch, breathe in the air. Take off your shoes and feel the grass/the ground beneath your feet to help you get grounded. What about doing some simple chair exercises, which, by the way my clients say are not that easy! You can make them as easy or as difficult as you would like. However, this time, add your loved one, even if they are just lifting even one hand up to their chin and down, or squeezing a ball. Throw a ball back and forth or tap a balloon. Get some rings and use a cane to toss the rings onto the cane. Hold the cane with both hands and lift it up and down as far as you both can get it. March your feet. Do leg kicks. There is so much you can do to make both of you feel better.
A fun thing I liked to do was get balloons, flour, sand or cornstarch, and fill a smaller balloon up with it, add a drop or two of an energizing essential oil like peppermint, lemon or orange to it, tie a knot and squeeze the balloon for stress reduction and also, strengthening. Use a water bottle as a weight for exercise. There is so much you can do. Make healthy (or unhealthy) cookies and let them help you. Let them mix the cookies or measure, anything they can do, no matter how big or small. Have them help you make a memory book/photo album and tell you about the picture. You can write it down and make a little book. Read it to them.
Talk with the one you are caring for, asking everything you ever wanted to know about them, what they did, get to really know them. Then, use that to do something fun, maybe a craft/hobby. The sky is the limit. These are all great self-care ideas that will not only make your feel better, but your loved one, dementia or not.
By performing self-care by yourself and with the one you are caring for, it giving you and them such a gift. It’s making them feel like they still matter, you are giving them a quality of life. Watch both of you start feeling better. But also, the importance is you need to take care of yourself so you can be there for them. That also means, besides the fun stuff above, the importance of getting adequate rest, 7-8 hours a night, eating healthy (a great thing to do with them, also), drinking enough water. Water is so important. Keeping up with not only their health visits, but yours, as well. You having a quality of life is important, also. Don’t forget that.
In closing, caregiving is one of the hardest jobs to do. However, you can conquer the difficult parts by taking care of yourself. By performing self-care activities, you are giving them your best you, and you are feeling stronger, healthier, happier doing it. They will see this and feed off of you. By adding them into some of your self-care, you are giving them a chance to feel better and better able to appreciate you. It’s a WIN-WIN! You CAN conquer caregiving and enjoy doing it.
For more tips on caregiving (caregiving someone with dementia included), check out our “Products” Page and get my e-book, “My Mind is No Longer My Own: A Caregiver’s Guide to Coping with Dementia.” This is a wonderful toolbox of helpful hints for individuals with dementia, as well as without. The final chapter was added in this 2nd Edition and it is Self-Care for the Caregiver. Check it out and add your own notes to it.
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