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Practicing Gratitude this Holiday Season

It sounds cliche and everyone is talking about it, however, how many people are doing it? Let me ask it this way, “How many people are doing it the best way to actually benefit from it?”

First of all, let me say, “Happy Holidays” to everyone, everywhere, whatever holiday you may celebrate. Holidays can be very difficult, and they can also be enjoyable and gratifying. Everyone has someone they wish could be with them during the holidays, which makes it more difficult, but, we always manage to get through it. Then, there are others who have someone that they may honestly wish was not there spending time with them. Let’s be honest, here.

The main thing we always hear, though, is to be grateful. I think that is what most of us think about during the Holidays, right? I hope so, anyway. Even in the bleakest of times, I was always able to find something to be grateful for.

That is why I am here today, writing this blog post, to remind you of all you have to be grateful and thankful for. There are so many sad and scary, horrible things going on in this world, we just need to look around and be thankful for what and who we have in our lives, even if they are a little rough and tough right now. All we hear about are the bad things going on in the world, but what about all the wonderful things going on? There are so many natural catastrophe’s lately, and that is horrible; however, look at how people are coming together to help out. People, overall are good! But, everyone always focuses on the bad, which brings more bad into the world. I always ask, “Why can’t everyone just be nice???” And, just be grateful for what and who we have…

So, how can we practice gratitude but really benefit from it? You’ve heard about writing down 3-10 things you are grateful for every day in your Gratitude Journal. I’ve done that and it is very nice; however, it didn’t do much for me, other than for a brief moment or two, right?

I’ve done a lot of research and listen to a lot of people who discuss the best ways to practice gratitude. One, my cousin sent to me that I absolutely love. It is a podcast by The Huberman Lab. They talk about the practice of gratitude and how to really do it to receive health benefits from it. Also, Dr. Kim D’Eramo (an ER trauma physician who is the founder of the American Institute of MindBody Medicine), who now practices and teaches MindBody techniques. The idea is to think of something that makes you grateful, it may even be some video that you saw that just made you feel really good, happy and grateful. You want to get that good feeling of gratefulness and hang on to it for over a period of time, say a minute to 3 minutes. Really feel that gratitude. Or, think of a time when you just felt so very grateful. Picture that image and think about it, really feel it. Hold on to that feeling and feel that gratitude that you felt at the original moment. This actually changes old beliefs in your brain. It is so beneficial. Try it and do it daily. You can still keep a Gratitude Journal. It’s not going to hurt, it can only help and bring those things your grateful for to the forefront of your thoughts.

The more you practice gratitude, the more you appreciate things. You are calmer, more appreciative and more mindful. So, if you haven’t practiced Gratitude, start this Holiday Season with an Attitude of Gratitude to make your Holidays much brighter.

I am so grateful for all of you, and wishing you and your family’s a Happy Holiday Season.

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EFT (EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE)/TAPPING FOR SELF-CARE

If you know me, you know I am all about Tapping (EFT)! I love it and I believe in it more than I can say. It has helped me get through breast cancer and to see it as a gift. It has calmed me and made me feel amazing during the tough times. And, the great thing is, it does, every single day I do it! It can help you, too!

So, what is this EFT I keep talking about? Well, in a nutshell, it is like acupuncture, BUT, without the needles! Nice, huh? By tapping on certain end meridian points (acupuncture points) and stating the negative and following it with a positive affirmation, you calm down your nervous system. That fight-or-flight portion that just keeps you on high-alert all the time, putting your adrenaline and cortisol on overtime. That, my friends, is what causes disease. That, is what caused my cancer. I was holding onto all the trauma of my past that was causing me to live in a state of fight-or-flight, for many, many years.  I thank cancer for allowing my body to tell me what I had been holding onto for years and how it was killing me, physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Tapping changed all that. Now, anytime I get down or just feel crappy, I tap.

Let me start with what exactly you do for EFT/Tapping. The meridian points that you tap on, are:

– The karate chop point (the side of the hand by your little finger. The fleshy part).                                                                                                                                                            – The crown of your head; right on the top.                                                                               – The eyebrow point, right on the side of the bridge of your nose and the inside eyebrow.                                                                                                                                                     – Side of your eye by the outside corner of your eye, on the bone.                               – Under your eye on the bone, and beneath your eye.                                                         – Under your nose. (Right under the nose, not tapping on the lip).                                       – Under your mouth, in the crease of you chin.                                                                       – Collarbone. Find your collarbone on each side and place your finger on it, then go down about 1 inch and out about 1 inch.. You will feel a fleshy area. That is the point you will tap on.                                                                                                                     – Then, under your arm (either side). For women, it is where your bra strap sits.

You start with what is bothering you, what event, emotion, thought, whatever it is that has you upset, stressed, anxious, fearful… You start by saying, “Even though (whatever it is that’s bothering you), I deeply and completely accept myself. Do that 3 times.

Then you start reiterating those comments and can extend them while tapping on the points. You can’t do this wrong. If you are confused, just tap on one area, like your collarbone point. I do that one a lot. While you are tapping on the collarbone point, just start talking about what is bothering you. You can just say, “All this stress.” (or whatever it is that is bothering you). Or, you can tell it like a story, or even just rant. The trick is, the more specific you get, the better it can help you. So, get down to the nitty gritty about what is bothering you, or what you think is bothering you. Give it an intensity before you start. By that, I mean rate your intensity of how much it is bothering you from 0-10. Zero being it isn’t bothering you at all, to 10, which is it is really intense, the worse.

After you do that, cross your hands over your heart and take a deep belly breath in. Then, just start tapping. When you are feeling calmer about it, stop tapping, take 3 deep breaths and rate the intensity of how you feel after doing the tapping. If it went down to a 2 or below, that’s great. If it stayed the same or  got worse, tap again. This time, getting even more specific. Do the process until you feel better, or you can get back to it later or another day.

As you are tapping and after, you may yarn or cough, cry, feel tingly, or other sensation. That is the energy moving. If you don’t really feel anything right away, you may later on or even the day after. Notice in the days ahead how you are feeling about the situation and if anything has changed. You may notice yourself feeling different about the situation and/or having positive situations arise.

If you are interested in this, let me know. You can work with me 1:1. (I will also offering tapping sessions in groups. (Yes, you can do tapping in groups) You can message me, email me at roberta.50wellfit@gmail.com or sign up on my website in the “Programs Page: 1:1 sessions.

I hope you enjoyed this quick, very lightly-covered post on EFT. Enjoy and let me know how you like tapping.

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USING SELF-CARE FOR WEIGHT LOSS AS WE AGE…

 

We all know how difficult maintaining our weight can be, especially after menopause, and particularly during the holidays. We think, ‘Oh, I’ll watch what I eat before the holidays so I can just eat and drink whatever I want during the holidays!” But, does that ever really work? Usually not, because what happens before the holidays?…we meet up with friends and family we maybe haven’t seen since last year, go to extra parties; where, what do we do, but eat, drink and be merry! Oh, and don’t forget holiday baking. All this starts after Halloween, because now we are getting ready for Thanksgiving (those of you who are from the US), and then there are all the holidays after that. 

What can we do to STOP THE MADNESS???

Well, bare with me…But, have you ever tried using self-care to help maintain, decrease, or yes, even increase your weight? By going back to my definition of self-care meaning to spend time on yourself, to do what you want and need to do to improve your overall well-being, this would definitely make sense. 

What do we do when we are not happy with our weight? We bully and badger ourselves into a horrible place; now, feeling guilty for eating that bowl of ice cream or having that second margarita. Does that really help you feel better, bullying yourself, sabotaging your health, your weight? It doesn’t. It just pushes us back and makes you want to eat more!  We start that yo-yo dieting that we lose weight, and regain, lose weight, and regain, over and over and over again. That, ladies is not healthy for our bodies. 

Why not try a couple different new things. Like, we need to stop the fight with ourselves. We go on one diet, then another, then another. It doesn’t work because that is not what our bodies want…more pressure! Instead, try sitting with the pressure. Remember, the more we resist something, the more it persists. That is a fact! If we sit with it and just show compassion and love to that side of us, we will be able to forgive ourselves and let it go. The more you just let go of that pressure of “I can’t eat this. I can’t eat that…” or, “I can’t believe I’m such an idiot and just ate that!” “I’m such a loser!” Bullying yourself is just not going to get you anywhere. In fact, it’s going to just make you feel worse, which is going to make you want to eat more. Instead, just sit and tell yourself, “you know what, it’s okay that I messed up. The next thing I’m going to eat will be something healthy.” Or, just don’t even worry about the next thing you eat. Just forgive yourself and let go of the anger, the pressure. See what happens. 

By just sitting with those self-sabotaging thoughts and just allowing them and really feeling them and let them BE, instead of pushing them away can really make a difference. Sounds crazy, I know. But, it works. If you stop the fight and stop fighting with yourself, you can let go and release that pressure. Maybe you are eating for a reason, a deeper reason. What is or are those reasons? If you sit quietly and just meditate for even 10 minutes or so each day, you might just figure it out. Did you suffer with weight issues growing up and/or get bullied or were not allowed to eat what you wanted? Did something happen to you that you emotionally started to eat to calm yourself, to love yourself, to feel safe?  There probably are reasons. I used to be a stress eater. Anytime I got stressed, I went to my bag of Cheetos, and I usually ate the whole bag! It wasn’t until I realized the ‘WHY’ I was eating that I was able to stop. If there are deeper issues, seek professional help to find out what that is. It may change other areas in your life, also.

Here are some self-care techniques you can do also. Just remember, don’t pressure yourself. Try not making it a punishment but something great for you and your body, for your health. Make it fun.

Self-care techniques to help your eating habits: 

  1. Don’t bully and self-sabotage your eating. If you mess up, it’s ok. You are only human.
  2. Meditate, sit in quiet and ask, “Why do I have weight issues?”
  3. Use EFT/Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) to calm your nervous system and release old beliefs about eating.
  4. Drink eight, 8-oz glasses of water (at least) daily. When you feel hungry, try drinking a glass of water first before eating something. Many times we are dehydrated and we feel hungry, but it is our body craving water. This will fill you up for a while. 
  5. Try to substitute something healthy into your diet instead of an unhealthy food. Eat more fruits, grains and vegetables. 
  6. Cut back or delete sugar, white flour, dairy and pop completely from your diet and watch what happens….
  7. Exercise. Even if its going for a 15-minute walk a day, use stairs instead of elevators, do sit-to-stands a couple times a day (this is where you go to sit down in a chair, but just graze your bottom on the seat and stand back up. You can help using your arms to push up from the arm rests if it is difficult for you, or cross your arms over your chest if it is easy. Try 5 – 10 and increase as able.

By starting with these self-care techniques to change your eating habits, you will start to see changes in your habits and weight. However, it may be slow, and that is okay. You don’t want that quick weight loss, because it almost, if not always comes back and sometimes it does with a vengeance. Make it more about the health and not the fight. Remember, make it fun. It’s not pressure, make it self-care, showing love to yourself. You Deserve It!

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10 Benefits of Guided Meditation

First, what exactly is guided meditation? In guided meditation, you are being “guided” by someone else. You listen to them guiding you into a state of relaxation through breaking exercises or mantras or using specific mental imagery.  Whereas, meditation, is done by yourself. Just you, sitting and going into a meditative state.

There are many types of meditations out there, so finding one that really resonates with you shouldn’t be difficult. However, I am just going over guided meditation in this post. 

“It’s estimated that over 200-500 million people meditate worldwide, according to disturbmenot.com meditation. 

  • “Meditation improves anxiety levels 60% of the time.” 
  • “Meditation can reduce the wake time of people with insomnia by 50%, according to mindfulness meditation stats.”

There are many benefits of practicing meditation, either guided or unguided. The benefits are largely the same, according to guidedmeditationframework.com. However, according to The Mayo Clinic, “Meditation can give you a sense of calm, peace and balance that can benefit both your emotional wellbeing and our overall health.” It also helps you to relax and to cope and manage stress. 

Meditation allows you to help clear away all the clutter and baggage that we hold onto on a daily basis, that contributes to our stress. Meditation gives us this outlet to release all this pent-up ‘yuck!’ 

Here are some emotional and physical benefits, according to The Mayo Clinic:

  • Gaining a new perspective on stressful situations.
  • Building skills to manage your stress.
  • Increasing self-awareness.
  • Focusing on the present.
  • Reducing negative emotions.
  • Increasing imagination and creativity.
  • Increasing patience and tolerance.
  • Lowering resting heart rate. 
  • Lowering resting blood pressure.
  • Improving sleep quality.

As you can see, those are all pretty intense benefits, making meditation definitely worth your while to start. Even if you start 10 minutes a day and build up, you will notice the difference in these areas above. 

When we add meditation onto our self-care list of loving acts, we are showing ourselves self-love. All of these benefits decrease inflammation in our bodies, improving our health, improving our coping skills, allowing us to look at situations in a better light, with more unconditional love and patience. 

With that being said, the Mayo Clinic states that “some research suggests that meditation may help people manage symptoms of conditions such as:”

  • Anxiety
  • Asthma
  • Cancer
  • Chronic pain
  • Depression
  • Heart disease
  • High blood pressure
  • Irritable bowel syndrome
  • Sleep problems
  • Tension headaches

I can speak for 3 of those. I used meditation (and continue to) during my cancer journey of finding out about the diagnosis, the fears, etc., along with the insomnia and tension headaches. It improved my sleep and decreased my headaches because it allowed me to let go of much of the fear I had about my cancer. It allowed me to be calmer, more relaxed and look at the whole situation in a different light. And, it still continues to. I was able to look into my heart and see what was really at the heart of my breast cancer and work to release the old thoughts, beliefs and patterns.

I wanted to add this audio guided meditation. To be honest, it is the first one that I have done for others. So, sit back or lie down and turn off your notifications, your phone, tv, etc. and give yourself this time…YOU ARE WORTH IT!

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COPE WITH YOUR STRESS USING THESE 3 STRESS MANAGEMENT TIPS

Who isn’t stressed? At least a little? Everyone gets stressed, however, it is how you deal with stress that is the key.  We all have stress, but some stress is bad and just hangs on inside our minds and bodies in a negative way, and some stress is good, happy stress, which also can hang on in our body, but is not necessarily damaging stress.

In today’s life, we have so much more stress, negative stress. It’s how we look at it and try to make something positive out of it. It can be done. According to Ouraring.com, “The reality is that stress materializes as both emotional and physiological symptoms – your brain and body are inseparable.” When you are stressed, your body is in fight-or-flight mode and keeps running away from the lion, which causes increased heart and respiratory rate, and your stress hormones start working overtime. This is what causes illness, holding onto that fight-or-flight response and not calming it down. Ouraring.com also states you don’t want your flight-or-flight response on all the time, but you also don’t want it inactive.

3  Tips to Manage Stress:

  1. Become more self-aware. I go over this a lot in my online program, “Self-Care for Women 50+” and have an audio, “A Self-Awareness” exercise, by Dr. Frank Kinslow. It is wonderful. It teaches you how to just sit and become aware of awareness; self-awareness. Very relaxing and the more you do it, the more aware you are of being aware; being mindful of yourself and your surroundings.  Becoming self-aware helps to “reset imbalances when you sense them and may even improve your sleep.”

2. Exercise and nutrition: I’m putting these two together, because to me, they just go hand-in-hand. So, exercise, even if it’s a 10-15 minute walk once or twice a day, doing stretches once or twice daily, even 20 sit-to-stands, where you just keep sitting and standing, barely hitting your bottom on the chair, hands either crossed over your chest or out in front of you (if you have a difficult time doing this one, push up from the chair, giving you some support). As always, get your doctor’s approval before starting any exercise program. Start small and go bigger as you feel stronger. Push a little every day and you will reap it’s rewards. And, as I said, nutrition goes hand-in-hand with exercise. Eat healthy and learn. And, drink plenty of water.

3. Meditation. you can become more aware by just sitting in quiet, taking a deep belly breath in and focus on your heart. Breathe in and out from your heart, and be still. You may even get to the core of your stressors and why you react the way you do with certain ones. There are many different ways to meditate (also gone over in my Self-Care program). It’s finding which resonates with you. I love breathing from my heart. It allows me to focus on my breathing, allowing thoughts to come and go swiftly and to really feel and become aware of “me.” Then, I end up really feeling what I am feeling, allowing it, loving myself. Then, I can ask God/Universe/whatever or whoever your higher-being is, questions I want answers to. Sitting quietly, breathing slowly and focusing on breathing from my heart allows me to just release all stress and just kind of recalibrate my system, allowing you to rebalance.

So there you go. My 3 favorite tips to cope with stress. There are many ways, including participating in an activity that allows you to relax. For example, I crochet. It instantly calms me, allowing me to be creative and just focus on the present…what I am creating. Just like what I do when I meditate…clearing my mind to be able to co-create my life in a meaningful way to me.

I hope this resonates with you. Let us know.

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Breast Cancer Awareness Month – Tapping

In honor of October being Breast Cancer Awareness month,  and my receiving a clean bill of health, I wanted to talk about calming and relaxing your nervous system to help your body decrease inflammation, which causes illness.  It not only calms you physically, but mentally, as well as allowing you to be in a higher mental state and  a higher energy state to allow blocks to release. I used tapping from the time I found my lump (which wasn’t the cancerous lump) to the present…every day. I use it for gratitude, healing, finding calm, allowing myself to feel what I am feeling, for joy,  forgiveness, basically for everything. It just makes me feel amazing. Tapping can be used anywhere and at any time. We all know that when you have breast cancer (any cancer), you have ups and downs. You have your good days or even great days, and you have your bad days or horrendous days. It happens to us all. But, we can have a say in how we are going to react to what is going on in our body and our mind. We can go into victim mode, which, in many cases is very easy to do; or, we can go into a calm, “I’ve got this” mode, or “I’m not giving up on this” mode, and ACT instead of RE-ACT. Whatever the thoughts are, we do have a say in that. So, for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I wanted to share my tapping video I made that helped me.  You can add or change any words to make it more suited to your situation.  This is for you. Make it and change it for you. Whatever feels good to you or whatever just comes to mind. Something else I do a lot for myself is exercise. In fact, I just finished a quick walk a little while ago, which is what prompted this post. Exercise releases endorphins, our natural “happy hormone” and allows us to be open to more positivity in our thoughts. It improves our overall well-being and just makes us feel good, and gives us more energy. It not only helps you physically, but mentally, also. However, do check with your doctors before starting any new exercise program. There may be some limitations or contraindications depending on your type of cancer, and what meds, treatments you are getting, so ALWAYS, ALWAYS check with your docs!! So, I am leaving you with just that much, but have included the video, as stated. I hope you enjoy it and let me know how it helps. Pamper yourself…YOU DESERVE IT!  
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Self-Care 101: It’s Time to Relax When You Don’t Have The Time For It

Are you feeling stressed? What a silly question, yet we hear it often.  Are you ever NOT stressed is probably the better question. Life today seems to be constantly filled with stress. Now, we all know there is good stress and bad stress, but it seems like we have to dig a little to find the good stress. Self-Care 101…When you are feeling overwhelmed and feel like you don’t have time to relax, is exactly the time you need to relax and totally DE-STRESS.  Between Covid, war, hurricanes, global warming, the world is definitely more stressed.

Not that that is okay, because it is definitely not, but because of increased stress we need to pay closer attention to HOW we are acting and/or reacting to it. If we are reacting to the stress that is all around us, including our daily life stressors with family, kids/grandkids, jobs, retirement, financial stressors, it can get pretty scary. Every which way we turn, there is stress.

The world isn’t changing, so we need to. We need to look deep into ourselves and see how we react to this stress. Are we holding it inside, thinking about it constantly, or are we taking it in and maybe making some life changes to ourselves and the situations that we can make changes to.

According to a poll taken by The American Institute of Stress, “The stress and mental health statistics of US are worsening, mostly due to a bundle  reasons of COVID-19 pandemic, rising inflation, and the Russia-Ukraine crisis.”  Just a few statistics here, “81% of Americans who participated in the poll were stressed out due to Supply Chain issues, 87% Americans are stressed due to rising inflation in the country, up from59% in August 2021 and 58% in June 2021, and 65% of Americans responded that they were stressed about money and the economy.”

People are going to alcohol and food to calm their stress. There are so many extra stressors these days. Some people feel we are doomed, that this is our life now…STRESS! Yes, we do have more stress, but why is it so important to learn to manage stress?

When we are stressed, our body goes into the “fight-or-flight” or stress response. When you are stressed, your body releases cortisol and adrenaline, amongst other hormones, which get your body ready to handle whatever danger is coming at you. Your heart starts pounding faster, your blood pressure raises, you tighten your muscles and quicken your breath, and then your senses become more intense, sharper. When you are constantly stressed, your body is also constantly in the fight-or-flight response. Being in this state for periods of time causes inflammation in your body, which causes illness. This is one very important reason to start managing your stress.

Next, comes, “I don’t have time to add something to my day!” I know. I definitely get it. However, when you start feeling like you don’t have any time to relax, that is THE time to start managing your stress  and to take time out to RELAX! Feeling overwhelmed with everything you need to do is your body telling you it is time to take a break, a much-needed one for your health and well-being. Listen to your body. Just stop for 5 minutes and take 3-5 deep belly breaths, from your pelvis and exhale with a sigh, or even a scream to let out all that stressful energy. Just even doing that will make you feel a little better. It may take some of the heaviness out of your chest.

Try some of these steps to start managing your stress before it manages you!

  1. The first thing I like to do is to write down everything that comes to mind that is stressing me. Things will come up, probably more than you even realized. Look at this list. Right off, is there anything that can be deleted off the list that you don’t even need to do? Then, prioritize everything. What needs to be done first or most, down to what can be either delegated to someone else or can be checked on maybe once or twice a week, and forget about it?
  2. Get at least 7-8 hours of sleep. When we are sleeping our body (and mind) is repairing itself and healing.
  3. Eat healthier. Are your drinking 8 glasses of water per day? Is it healthy, filtered water? Are your eating your veggies, fruits and grains as much as you should be?
  4. Exercise. Take at least 15-30 minutes to take a brisk walk. It is amazing how that can make you feel so much better and it also can help with opening you up to creativity. Or, do at least 15-20 sit-to-stand exercises. To do these, stand about a foots-length away from a chair, cross your hands over your chest (you can even hold a weight if you want), and  basically do a squat, just barely hitting your bottom on the chair and stand up. Do this and it can de-stress you.
  5. Breathe. Breathing exercises can instantly help relax you and allow you to see things in a more positive light, allowing ease in making better decisions/choices. To do this, sit in a comfortable position with both feet flat on the floor, back straight and shoulders relaxed and down. Close your eyes and you can place both hands over your heart and take 3-5 deep belly breaths all the way from your pelvis. To do this, imagine a balloon in your pelvis and when you inhale, the balloon inflates and when you exhale the balloon deflates. You can do this for as long as it takes for you to relax. Try to calm your mind while doing this.
  6. Prioritize the things that are stressing you. What can you take care of easily and what can you just forget about or delegate to someone to take care of, and learn how to say “NO.”
  7. Don’t sweat the small stuff. When we get in stress mode, it is all we think about, which then makes the stress even worse. What you resist, persists. Learn what things you need to just let go of, those small, annoying little stressors that just bug the crap out of you…let them go.
  8. Do something you really enjoy like hanging out with the family and do game night or hang out with friends and have a girls night out, maybe. Or, pick up a great book that allows your mind to go where you are reading. Or, do something else that relaxes you, like crochet, gardening, boxing, or scream into a pillow. That can be very fun!

Try these 8 ways to start managing stress. Just try one at a time. If it doesn’t work for you go on to the next. Whatever you do, don’t just keep focusing on the stress and not do anything about it. It is not good for you mentally or physically. You got this…one little step at a time.

 

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The Benefits of Setting up Boundaries

Boundaries?? You say….Some of us have them and make great use of them and others, well, we say…”What are boundaries???”

According to Berkeley Well-Being Institute, “Psychological boundaries – or the standard by which we want people to treat us – are harder to identify,” compared to a “fence (that) might be used to keep 2 things separate from each other or to provide protection from another entity.”

How we “allow” others to treat us and how far we are willing to let them push our buttons or tell us what to do, how to do it, etc. is a reason we need to set up boundaries.  Many boundaries are “situation-specific,” meaning they may change somewhat according to the particular situation. Say you don’t answer calls from a specific person after a certain time because they always seem to need your help or your ear to listen to their complaints, etc. However, if an emergency situation comes up, you do drop those boundaries (or some) to assist in the emergency situation only.

Boundaries are required from things such as how close you allow a person to get up into “your space,” to what time to turn off your phone, what topics you are willing to discuss (the old saying about don’t discuss, finances, religion or politics was made for a reason and still holds true!), what types of language you will accept (e.g., certain swear words or inappropriate comments), to certain topics that trigger you and manipulation, to name a few.

It is more difficult to set boundaries with some people. You know who those are in your life. But, it is so important to set them up and keep them as much as you can. When you stick with your boundaries you will decrease your stress level immensely. You are being true to your needs and beliefs, which decreases stress. When you stick with those boundaries, you are not letting people walk all over you, take advantage of you or manipulate you. You are not allowing them to zap all the energy out of you. You are not letting them guilt you into anything,

When you have a strong awareness into your wants and needs, it makes it easier to keep boundaries. When we know ourselves and are aware of our beliefs,  it allows us to really understand who we are and what we are about, which then allows us to relay this information to our family, friends, and others. This allows us to understand what boundaries we need to make.

When we are flexible with our emotions, we can “Accept the reality of the situation accept our own thoughts, feelings, emotions, and consider our values – all of which informs our behavior for that given moment. (Cherry et al, 2021, Ciarrochi,, Bilich, & Godsell, 2010) “We use psychological flexibility to create and communicate boundaries for each situation rather than imposing a one size fits all approach.” (Berkeley Well-Being Institute)

On the other hand, “When we are rigid in our emotions, behaviors and thoughts we experience psychological inflexibility. Psychological inflexibility is a risk factor for experiencing mental health challenges such as anxiety and depression. (Cherry et al, 2021, Ciarrochi, Bilich, & Godsell, 2010) “Moreover it can prevent us from living in a way that is intentionally aligned with our own goals.” (Ciarrochi, Bilich, & Godsell, 2010).

So, you see, there are reasons why boundaries are important. Besides what I stated above, they allow us to protect ourselves from people and situations that may be dangerous or just not beneficial to us.

Boundaries can help us connect deeper with ourselves to better know and understand ourselves, our wants and needs.

By gaining better self-awareness and insight, “we can get to know ourselves in a deeper way and share that with our partners, family and friends. Boundaries can be a way of demonstrating compassion towards yourself and compassion towards others.” (Berkeley Well-Being Institute)

Has this convinced you of setting up some boundaries? I hope so. Sure, it isn’t always (or often) easy to set up and keep boundaries, but once you start, it does get easier and, is such a wonderful gift you can give to yourself.

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FINDING CALM…

Where and how do you find calm when you are feeling stressed, anxious and overwhelm, when you are feeling so stuck and not able to move forward? There are things you can do to feel better – to find calm. When we are feeling like this, we get so stuck in our thoughts, which actually get us more stressed and anxious, that we can’t even see the opportunities that may be presenting themselves to us. When we get that stressed, our whole being gets so tense that we just can’t see any “openness;” everything is dense and negative. When this is the case, how could we see anything positive and light? It’s just not going to happen. This is when we need to “find calm!” However, this is when we just can’t even imaging calm, let alone be open to it.

Okay, then, just how can we “find calm” you ask? I’m going to give you several self-care acts you can do that will allow that stress, anxiety and overwhelm become a little less dense and heavy and allow it to soften and lighten, showing you the light at the end of the tunnel.

  1. Breathing exercises. If you follow me, you know breathing exercises are my end-all and be-all choice to calming down and opening up. By just sitting straight in a comfortable chair, straight back, shoulders soft and down, and feet flat on the floor, take 3 slow, deep belly breaths. Then just do a quick body scan starting from the top of your head down to your feet. What is your body telling you? Are you feeling any sensations (tightness, heaviness, pain, discomfort, racing heart…)? Can you attach any emotions to those sensations. Just sit and take deep breaths and exhale with a sigh to allow that energy to start moving. Feel your body relax. Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Your body is telling you something. Listen to it. Do this until you feel ready to get moving. Allow the thoughts to come up. You may even see some inspiration and opportunities.
  2. Meditation. The breathing exercises above are a type of meditation. But you can also sit and listen to calm, relaxing meditative music. You can sit and focus on your breathing, or even watch a candle flickering. Try to clear your head. Allow thoughts to come in and acknowledge them, then let them go. Do this until you are feeling calmer.
  3. Connect with nature. Go for a walk or run. Maybe do some stretching and exercises. This allows the endorphins (our natural “feel-good” hormones) to release, making us feel better.
  4. Give yourself a break. Allow yourself this gift; this self-care act of love to yourself. Maybe take a quick power nap; or a bubble bath with candles lit and soft, relaxing music in the background. Add some essential oils to the mix, or even in the bath (make sure you have ones that you can do that). If you want to break away from reality for a while, take even just 15 minutes to read a good book that can just whisk you away for that time. Or, maybe watch a little comedy on tv to make you laugh. And, you can always call your go-to friend to help you out; you know that friend that just knows what to say and when to say it to make you feel better.
  5. Have “tea time.” Chamomile is always a good tea to calm and relax you. Or, any calming tea of your choice.
  6. And, last but not least, by all-time go-to…EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, also called “Tapping.” If you are not familiar with Tapping, it is kind of like acupuncture, but without the needles. You tap on certain meridians while tapping on something that is bothering you, and it calms down your nervous system.  I attached the video I did on tapping for “Finding Calm” below.

There are 6 ways to help you find your calm. By putting your body in a state of calm, you are allowing your body to heal and be healthier. When we are stressed in a state of overwhelm and anxiety, our body tenses and inflammation begins, causing illness. Stop it in its tracks! Break up that stress by doing one of these self-care activities to calm yourself and allow you to find calm.

Go to my website, www.wellfitways.com to find out more about Self-Care for Women 50+.

Make it a Great Day! Remember, you are the creator of your life. Let it be a great one!

 

 

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3 STEPS TO START BEING TRUE TO YOU!

WHO ARE YOU?

Do you know who you are? Really know who you are? I didn’t for many, many years. I started to and then I was diagnosed with breast cancer. That was when I really began to know myself. What a blessing that was. I was given a second chance to find me. To find out who I really was and am. 

Is this something you struggle with? Who am I? What do I like to do? What do I not like to do? What is my life purpose? Do you hold your feelings in during a conflict? Do you say yes to everyone and everything…except to yourself? 

Do you want to get to know yourself? Let’s try something…Introduce yourself to yourself!

Say, “Hi (name)! I would like to introduce you to (name). She is ….. (fill in the blank)”

How did that go? Were you able to fill in the blank? If not, finish reading this blog post and go back to this exercise after doing these exercises several times and see what comes up. Don’t try too hard. Don’t use your head. Instead, use your heart. What is your heart telling you about yourself? Go back to this exercise anytime you want to check on who you are.

Let’s go over 3 easy steps you can take right now to start learning who you are, so you can be true to YOU!

  1. Tune in to your feelings, emotions, thoughts, surroundings, life etc. Become self-aware of all these things. What do you feel? What are you thinking? What emotions are inside you? Are you aware of where you are, your surroundings, your heart and soul? 
  1. Trust your gut and follow your heart. Think about how you feel inside before you give an answer to someone. What is your gut and your heart telling you to do. The more you sit with these questions, the easier it becomes to be intuitive of your feelings.
  1. STOP pleasing others. Please yourself first. This doesn’t make you selfish. It is self-care. If you aren’t happy, how can you make anyone else happy? Have those boundaries and say NO when you feel you want and/or need to. It is difficult to say “No” in the beginning, but it really does get to be easier, makes you feel so much better and, many times is a relief.

There are 3 steps (actually 5), but who’s counting? They sound pretty easy, no? Yes, they do sound easy, maybe not so easy to put into action. It takes a commitment to do this. You have to make the time to do it. But, isn’t it worth it to find you? You only get one chance in life, why not make it the best one ever, doing You, being You? 

Take the time to sit with yourself, starting with just 5 minutes a day for a week. Then add another 5 minutes…keep adding time to just sitting in the quiet and breathing from your heart. Meditation is wonderful. It has taken me years to get to 30 minutes of just sitting and “being,” but I have made such wonderful advances in understanding myself and listening to what my body is telling me. How it feels physically, emotionally, spiritually…. Your’s will too. 

Being true to YOU and finding who you are and what you want in life makes for a happy and healthy life. The more you do things that you love to do the happier and healthier you are going to be. We need to take the time to do these kinds of self-care acts for ourselves. Nobody else can make us happy, but US. This is being true to YOU. 

When you are learning to be true to yourself, you need to get really “REAL” with yourself. Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t use your head to think. Use your heart. It is easy to think something and say, “No, that is how I feel.” But, is it really? I had to sit down and meditate quite a bit the last week because I was going to get an infusion that would help decrease the recurrence of my breast cancer. At first it sounded wonderful. A win-win situation. And, maybe it is for others, but I’m not so sure it is for me. I wasn’t sleeping, I was getting moody and agitated. This is something that I have not been doing since my diagnosis. I have felt wonderful since I found out. I was given a second chance to do things the way I wanted to. Then, I meditated and all this heaviness came up about the infusion. I cancelled my appointment. It wasn’t something I needed to do. It was something that I could do if I wanted. I still may at a later date, if it comes up feeling light for me. But just not right now. Maybe now is not the time for me. I can still get it at a later date. As soon as I cancelled the appointment, the heaviness lifted. 

Now, don’t go cancelling appointments that you need. I am NOT saying that. It is a wonderful thing. It just isn’t for me in this moment. And, it was not something I needed to do. If it was, I would have spent much more time meditating on it and talking with doctors about it. So, please keep what appointments you need to!

I’m just using this as an example. I was true to myself by not doing it. I listened to my body, to myself and stayed true to me. I became aware of the feelings my body was giving me, that heaviness, not sleeping, moodiness and agitation. So, I said NO. I did it to please myself and nobody else. I know it was best for me (not anybody else), and trusted my intuition. That is something I could not and would not have done several or even a couple years ago. It has taken a lot of sitting with myself (and the cancer) and meditating. Doing deep breathing and learning to breathe from my heart. 

So, it may sound easy and it may sound difficult. It is what you make it. At times, it can be difficult to do take these actions, but think of the outcome. It is wonderful. You can introduce yourself to YOU and know who you are! It is a wonderful feeling. 

Go out there and find yourself. Be True To YOU!