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EFT (EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE)/TAPPING FOR SELF-CARE

If you know me, you know I am all about Tapping (EFT)! I love it and I believe in it more than I can say. It has helped me get through breast cancer and to see it as a gift. It has calmed me and made me feel amazing during the tough times. And, the great thing is, it does, every single day I do it! It can help you, too!

So, what is this EFT I keep talking about? Well, in a nutshell, it is like acupuncture, BUT, without the needles! Nice, huh? By tapping on certain end meridian points (acupuncture points) and stating the negative and following it with a positive affirmation, you calm down your nervous system. That fight-or-flight portion that just keeps you on high-alert all the time, putting your adrenaline and cortisol on overtime. That, my friends, is what causes disease. That, is what caused my cancer. I was holding onto all the trauma of my past that was causing me to live in a state of fight-or-flight, for many, many years.  I thank cancer for allowing my body to tell me what I had been holding onto for years and how it was killing me, physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Tapping changed all that. Now, anytime I get down or just feel crappy, I tap.

Let me start with what exactly you do for EFT/Tapping. The meridian points that you tap on, are:

– The karate chop point (the side of the hand by your little finger. The fleshy part).                                                                                                                                                            – The crown of your head; right on the top.                                                                               – The eyebrow point, right on the side of the bridge of your nose and the inside eyebrow.                                                                                                                                                     – Side of your eye by the outside corner of your eye, on the bone.                               – Under your eye on the bone, and beneath your eye.                                                         – Under your nose. (Right under the nose, not tapping on the lip).                                       – Under your mouth, in the crease of you chin.                                                                       – Collarbone. Find your collarbone on each side and place your finger on it, then go down about 1 inch and out about 1 inch.. You will feel a fleshy area. That is the point you will tap on.                                                                                                                     – Then, under your arm (either side). For women, it is where your bra strap sits.

You start with what is bothering you, what event, emotion, thought, whatever it is that has you upset, stressed, anxious, fearful… You start by saying, “Even though (whatever it is that’s bothering you), I deeply and completely accept myself. Do that 3 times.

Then you start reiterating those comments and can extend them while tapping on the points. You can’t do this wrong. If you are confused, just tap on one area, like your collarbone point. I do that one a lot. While you are tapping on the collarbone point, just start talking about what is bothering you. You can just say, “All this stress.” (or whatever it is that is bothering you). Or, you can tell it like a story, or even just rant. The trick is, the more specific you get, the better it can help you. So, get down to the nitty gritty about what is bothering you, or what you think is bothering you. Give it an intensity before you start. By that, I mean rate your intensity of how much it is bothering you from 0-10. Zero being it isn’t bothering you at all, to 10, which is it is really intense, the worse.

After you do that, cross your hands over your heart and take a deep belly breath in. Then, just start tapping. When you are feeling calmer about it, stop tapping, take 3 deep breaths and rate the intensity of how you feel after doing the tapping. If it went down to a 2 or below, that’s great. If it stayed the same or  got worse, tap again. This time, getting even more specific. Do the process until you feel better, or you can get back to it later or another day.

As you are tapping and after, you may yarn or cough, cry, feel tingly, or other sensation. That is the energy moving. If you don’t really feel anything right away, you may later on or even the day after. Notice in the days ahead how you are feeling about the situation and if anything has changed. You may notice yourself feeling different about the situation and/or having positive situations arise.

If you are interested in this, let me know. You can work with me 1:1. (I will also offering tapping sessions in groups. (Yes, you can do tapping in groups) You can message me, email me at roberta.50wellfit@gmail.com or sign up on my website in the “Programs Page: 1:1 sessions.

I hope you enjoyed this quick, very lightly-covered post on EFT. Enjoy and let me know how you like tapping.

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USING SELF-CARE FOR WEIGHT LOSS AS WE AGE…

 

We all know how difficult maintaining our weight can be, especially after menopause, and particularly during the holidays. We think, ‘Oh, I’ll watch what I eat before the holidays so I can just eat and drink whatever I want during the holidays!” But, does that ever really work? Usually not, because what happens before the holidays?…we meet up with friends and family we maybe haven’t seen since last year, go to extra parties; where, what do we do, but eat, drink and be merry! Oh, and don’t forget holiday baking. All this starts after Halloween, because now we are getting ready for Thanksgiving (those of you who are from the US), and then there are all the holidays after that. 

What can we do to STOP THE MADNESS???

Well, bare with me…But, have you ever tried using self-care to help maintain, decrease, or yes, even increase your weight? By going back to my definition of self-care meaning to spend time on yourself, to do what you want and need to do to improve your overall well-being, this would definitely make sense. 

What do we do when we are not happy with our weight? We bully and badger ourselves into a horrible place; now, feeling guilty for eating that bowl of ice cream or having that second margarita. Does that really help you feel better, bullying yourself, sabotaging your health, your weight? It doesn’t. It just pushes us back and makes you want to eat more!  We start that yo-yo dieting that we lose weight, and regain, lose weight, and regain, over and over and over again. That, ladies is not healthy for our bodies. 

Why not try a couple different new things. Like, we need to stop the fight with ourselves. We go on one diet, then another, then another. It doesn’t work because that is not what our bodies want…more pressure! Instead, try sitting with the pressure. Remember, the more we resist something, the more it persists. That is a fact! If we sit with it and just show compassion and love to that side of us, we will be able to forgive ourselves and let it go. The more you just let go of that pressure of “I can’t eat this. I can’t eat that…” or, “I can’t believe I’m such an idiot and just ate that!” “I’m such a loser!” Bullying yourself is just not going to get you anywhere. In fact, it’s going to just make you feel worse, which is going to make you want to eat more. Instead, just sit and tell yourself, “you know what, it’s okay that I messed up. The next thing I’m going to eat will be something healthy.” Or, just don’t even worry about the next thing you eat. Just forgive yourself and let go of the anger, the pressure. See what happens. 

By just sitting with those self-sabotaging thoughts and just allowing them and really feeling them and let them BE, instead of pushing them away can really make a difference. Sounds crazy, I know. But, it works. If you stop the fight and stop fighting with yourself, you can let go and release that pressure. Maybe you are eating for a reason, a deeper reason. What is or are those reasons? If you sit quietly and just meditate for even 10 minutes or so each day, you might just figure it out. Did you suffer with weight issues growing up and/or get bullied or were not allowed to eat what you wanted? Did something happen to you that you emotionally started to eat to calm yourself, to love yourself, to feel safe?  There probably are reasons. I used to be a stress eater. Anytime I got stressed, I went to my bag of Cheetos, and I usually ate the whole bag! It wasn’t until I realized the ‘WHY’ I was eating that I was able to stop. If there are deeper issues, seek professional help to find out what that is. It may change other areas in your life, also.

Here are some self-care techniques you can do also. Just remember, don’t pressure yourself. Try not making it a punishment but something great for you and your body, for your health. Make it fun.

Self-care techniques to help your eating habits: 

  1. Don’t bully and self-sabotage your eating. If you mess up, it’s ok. You are only human.
  2. Meditate, sit in quiet and ask, “Why do I have weight issues?”
  3. Use EFT/Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) to calm your nervous system and release old beliefs about eating.
  4. Drink eight, 8-oz glasses of water (at least) daily. When you feel hungry, try drinking a glass of water first before eating something. Many times we are dehydrated and we feel hungry, but it is our body craving water. This will fill you up for a while. 
  5. Try to substitute something healthy into your diet instead of an unhealthy food. Eat more fruits, grains and vegetables. 
  6. Cut back or delete sugar, white flour, dairy and pop completely from your diet and watch what happens….
  7. Exercise. Even if its going for a 15-minute walk a day, use stairs instead of elevators, do sit-to-stands a couple times a day (this is where you go to sit down in a chair, but just graze your bottom on the seat and stand back up. You can help using your arms to push up from the arm rests if it is difficult for you, or cross your arms over your chest if it is easy. Try 5 – 10 and increase as able.

By starting with these self-care techniques to change your eating habits, you will start to see changes in your habits and weight. However, it may be slow, and that is okay. You don’t want that quick weight loss, because it almost, if not always comes back and sometimes it does with a vengeance. Make it more about the health and not the fight. Remember, make it fun. It’s not pressure, make it self-care, showing love to yourself. You Deserve It!

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COPE WITH YOUR STRESS USING THESE 3 STRESS MANAGEMENT TIPS

Who isn’t stressed? At least a little? Everyone gets stressed, however, it is how you deal with stress that is the key.  We all have stress, but some stress is bad and just hangs on inside our minds and bodies in a negative way, and some stress is good, happy stress, which also can hang on in our body, but is not necessarily damaging stress.

In today’s life, we have so much more stress, negative stress. It’s how we look at it and try to make something positive out of it. It can be done. According to Ouraring.com, “The reality is that stress materializes as both emotional and physiological symptoms – your brain and body are inseparable.” When you are stressed, your body is in fight-or-flight mode and keeps running away from the lion, which causes increased heart and respiratory rate, and your stress hormones start working overtime. This is what causes illness, holding onto that fight-or-flight response and not calming it down. Ouraring.com also states you don’t want your flight-or-flight response on all the time, but you also don’t want it inactive.

3  Tips to Manage Stress:

  1. Become more self-aware. I go over this a lot in my online program, “Self-Care for Women 50+” and have an audio, “A Self-Awareness” exercise, by Dr. Frank Kinslow. It is wonderful. It teaches you how to just sit and become aware of awareness; self-awareness. Very relaxing and the more you do it, the more aware you are of being aware; being mindful of yourself and your surroundings.  Becoming self-aware helps to “reset imbalances when you sense them and may even improve your sleep.”

2. Exercise and nutrition: I’m putting these two together, because to me, they just go hand-in-hand. So, exercise, even if it’s a 10-15 minute walk once or twice a day, doing stretches once or twice daily, even 20 sit-to-stands, where you just keep sitting and standing, barely hitting your bottom on the chair, hands either crossed over your chest or out in front of you (if you have a difficult time doing this one, push up from the chair, giving you some support). As always, get your doctor’s approval before starting any exercise program. Start small and go bigger as you feel stronger. Push a little every day and you will reap it’s rewards. And, as I said, nutrition goes hand-in-hand with exercise. Eat healthy and learn. And, drink plenty of water.

3. Meditation. you can become more aware by just sitting in quiet, taking a deep belly breath in and focus on your heart. Breathe in and out from your heart, and be still. You may even get to the core of your stressors and why you react the way you do with certain ones. There are many different ways to meditate (also gone over in my Self-Care program). It’s finding which resonates with you. I love breathing from my heart. It allows me to focus on my breathing, allowing thoughts to come and go swiftly and to really feel and become aware of “me.” Then, I end up really feeling what I am feeling, allowing it, loving myself. Then, I can ask God/Universe/whatever or whoever your higher-being is, questions I want answers to. Sitting quietly, breathing slowly and focusing on breathing from my heart allows me to just release all stress and just kind of recalibrate my system, allowing you to rebalance.

So there you go. My 3 favorite tips to cope with stress. There are many ways, including participating in an activity that allows you to relax. For example, I crochet. It instantly calms me, allowing me to be creative and just focus on the present…what I am creating. Just like what I do when I meditate…clearing my mind to be able to co-create my life in a meaningful way to me.

I hope this resonates with you. Let us know.

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SELF-CARE FOR BREAST CANCER

Self-care for breast cancer is great to do if you already have breast cancer, are in remission, are cured, or want to be proactive in not getting it. There are so many steps you can take to take better care of yourself and, especially, take time for yourself. As women, we really don’t take the time for ourselves. We take the time for everyone else, but oftentimes, takes time away from us. Well, it’s time we stop that! It’s time to take action and focus on YOU! Think of how often we stop what we are doing because someone needs us, or we forgive them for something they did because we feel bad….How often do we do this for ourselves? Not often! We are usually so much harder on ourselves, especially with forgiving ourselves, than we ever are with our family and friends. 

I want you to think about what self-care means to you. It could mean pampering yourself and getting your nails or hair done, maybe a massage, going out with the girls, reading a book, taking a bubble bath, or shopping. And, that is correct. However, self-care comprises so much more. Self-care means stopping and giving yourself even 5 minutes of quiet to just “Be.” It means taking time to breathe, smell the roses, spend time out in nature, being mindful, participating in meditation, yoga, exercise, doing deep breathing exercises, Tai Chi, QiGong, and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique/Tapping), along with many other things you could think of. 

Once you think about what self-care is to you, now think about how often you do self-care…are you consistent with it or is it something you do once a year, a month…? When you are dealing with breast cancer or any type of condition or illness, you need to start taking care of yourself. Take time to breathe, meditate, exercise, eat healthy, drink plenty of fluids, keep up with your appointments, etc.

The first thing I want you to do is to go somewhere quiet where you won’t be bothered for about 15 minutes. Close your eyes, sit in a comfy chair with your back straight and feet flat on the floor. Take 10 deep belly breaths (diaphragmatic breaths), all the way down from your pelvis, breathing in through your nose, then out through your mouth, even giving a sighing sound, letting the energy move. 

Now, sit in the quiet and continue slow, deep belly breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, and start at the top of your head and go through your body and just feel what you feel. Is your head pounding, are your jaws clenched and tight or sore, separate your lips a little and relax your jaw. Keep going down… is there any tension in your neck or shoulders? If so, take another deep breath and when you exhale, sigh louder and relax your neck and let your shoulders drop, then feel that release. How does your chest feel, your arms, your back, your abdomen, pelvis, your hips, your buttocks, your upper legs, knees, lower legs to your ankles, your feet? Go through your whole body and just feel. As you hit upon some sensation of tension, heaviness, pain whatever you may be feeling, just stop there for a little while and breathe. What emotion seems to be tied to this feeling? If there was a color or size, what would it be? Is it smooth, round, bumpy? Try to give it as much identification as you can. Then, tell yourself, “It’s okay, it’s okay to be having these feelings.” Let your little self (the inner child) know that you are there, and everything will be ok, and it is ok to feel what you are feeling.” This is important because many times we toss emotions aside like they aren’t important, but they are. If we don’t acknowledge them and let them go, they stay inside and cause problems, like illness, self-sabotage, fear, anger, etc. So, let yourself know that it is ok too. Have the feelings you are having. Then, just continue to breathe into the area you are having these feelings. Imagine that area is doing the breathing and focusing on it. As you start becoming more aware and focusing on this area, the pain, tension, and heaviness will go away. Sometimes, it is pretty quick, and other times it may take longer and you may have to go back to it several times. So, that it a BIG self-care gift to give yourself. 

I had you think about self-care activities that maybe you do. If you don’t do self-care, what would you like to do? I gave you some examples. For (breast) cancer, or chronic illness, you want something you would really enjoy, maybe something relaxing and calming, or maybe you are looking for something a little energetic. 

The most important ones for illness to me have been the deep breathing, which I try to do for about 20 minutes once a day, but do it often for about 5-10 breaths throughout the day. Then, I do meditation, which has been found to be great for cancer and other illnesses because you relax your body, giving it time to heal. Another big thing I do is EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, or “Tapping”), which has been amazing for me. I do it at least twice a day, in the morning when I get up and at night before bed. You tap on meridian points, and by doing this, it relaxes your nervous system. Sooooo wonderful! It’s like getting acupuncture without the needles!! Oh, and every night when I go to bed, I do my nightly tapping then I put on some healing meditation music and just relax to that. It helps you to go to sleep faster. I am also now dabbling in energy healing, and as I get better, I will do some of that.

Those are my daily favorites, but there are many others that I do. I love to crochet because it relaxes me. Plus, there have been A LOT of babies lately, and the blankets are great gifts! We also bike, hike, kayak, and take long, fast-paced walks, which is so invigorating. You don’t have to walk fast, I just like to get the extra health benefits out of that. Reading is very relaxing. I always have about 2-4 books being read at the same time. 

With my breast cancer, I have been staying away from sugars, white flour, and dairy, but I do “cheat” once in a while, just to live a little. So, a couple of nights a week, I allow myself a glass of red wine, which is wonderful, when you don’t have it often. You really appreciate a nice glass of wine once in a while. I’ve also enjoyed doing research on what foods are good for me to eat and which are horrible for me. Also, how to live a “cleaner” life, staying away from chemicals in my hair and on my skin, cleaning products, etc. I am really learning a lot, but it’s been fun, too.

One thing that is very important to remember, don’t get stuck in a rut. If you are too fatigued to meet up with friends, have one or two come over. Who cares what you look like!! The more you push yourself to do things, the better you will feel. You need to keep up with friends and family, be social! It is very important. Your friends and family may be your support system, and you want to keep them close.  Go to a friend’s and watch a funny movie or talk about old times when you did some crazy things you really don’t want others to know about!! HA!

Take up playing the piano or keyboard, or guitar. That is frustrating at first, but then relaxing. Write down everything you always wanted to do. Even if you can’t do it now, I’m sure there may be a way that you can modify it so that you still can do it, but on a different level. At times, you just have to push yourself. 

Don’t let yourself get into a depressed rut, either. You want to keep yourself positive. A positive mindset is very important to recovery. Try to find a positive in your illness. I know that sounds crazy, but, if anything, maybe it is teaching you that there may be things you need to release and let go of. Maybe, some of you will not find any positives, and I’m sorry. I understand how illness feels. There are so many things that happen to us in our lifetimes that may have hurt us and we didn’t even realize that it stayed with us and caused so many problems. But, it happens. I’m not saying that caused your cancer, but I am a true believer that it is to teach us something and to allow us to let go of things that no longer serve us. Again, this may not be the case for everyone. But, dig deep and see if there is something. If anything, sit and do the breathing, relaxing your shoulders, your forehead, and just feel and BE. Don’t judge anything. Just let it come up and acknowledge it, letting it just be there for a while, letting yourself know…it’s OKAY TO FEEL WHAT YOU ARE FEELING!

If you are interested in learning more and/or want to work with me 1:1 visit my website at:

www.wellfitways.com. 

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LIVING THE BEST ‘YOU’ AFTER 50…

  LIVING THE BEST ‘YOU’ AFTER 50… Are you living the Best ‘YOU’ after 50? First of all, where the hell did those 50 years go, anyway? We are now, well, over 50-years-old, and it is our time to be who we want to be. We are most probably empty nesters, or close to it, and so used to doing and being everything that everyone wanted us to be that we forgot who we are. Don’t you feel like that? I know I did. It also took me quite a while to stop being everything for everyone. I didn’t even know how to start being ‘ME!’ Push up your sleeves girls, and start reading. If you don’t know who you are or what you want to do or be now that you are done ‘Being’ for everyone else, you will have ideas on how to find out by the time you are done reading. It’s time to focus on You and what living the BEST ‘YOU’ means to You.  A Few Questions to Ask Yourself: What does living the best ‘Me’ mean to me? What would that look like?

Am I happy where I am in my life?

Am I happy with who I am?

Am I happy with my relationships? 

Are the people I have relationships with encouraging me to be my best?

Do I take the time to do self care?

Do I have a hard time saying “No!”

Am I doing things that make me happy?

Am I doing things that I’m truly passionate about?

Do I delegate?

Am I stuck in a dead-end job that I absolutely hate waking up to go to?

How do I feel emotionally and physically?

Okay now, dig deep and answer those questions honestly! Get a journal, notebook, computer, whatever and write down the questions and answers, along with the date. The most important thing is to focus on living the best you, what that means and how can you get there… Now What?  You’re asking, ‘Now What?’ Well, I will tell you what…Now, you start working on You. Start sitting with yourself in quiet, asking yourself any of these questions…maybe the one that bothers you the most. And just sit and meditate and just BE. Don’t sit and try to answer the question. Just sit in quiet. Focus on your breathing. If your thoughts start to wander, just validate the thought and continue focusing on your breathing. Inhale, counting 1-2-3-4, Exhale, 1, 2, 3, 4…. That is one thing you can do. Sitting in quiet and just ‘being’ can open the door to what you are looking for. Deep breathing from the belly, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through your mouth, relaxing your shoulders and a straight spine, and just focus on your body, and allow yourself to release any tension…just breathing and focusing.  Another is once you write down the answers, pick one question to focus on at a time, otherwise, it can get very overwhelming, possibly even depressing, agitating, fearful, etc. One little step at a time. Look at the answer and say, you were working on the question about are you doing things you are passionate about. First, write down what you are passionate about. You may want to write somethings down, or even one thing down, and go back a little later and think of more things you are passionate about (if you are having a hard time answering this). When you get at least 5 items down, take one item at a time and think about when the last time was when you did that. You can write down the date. Go to each item until you are done. If you have done them, that’s great! Try to think of other things you are passionate about but haven’t done. If you haven’t done them, write down next to the date, how you could incorporate that into your life. Then, take the time and effort to start doing what you are passionate about. You don’t have to go wild with it, just one item at a time.  A big one is self care. If you don’t do any self care, START. That is a necessity. You are worthy of giving yourself time to take care of yourself. Ideas for self care are pamper yourself – whatever that means to you; go for a walk or exercise, yoga; get a massage, meditate, take a bubble bath, sit down in your favorite spot and read a book you’ve been interested in, meet a friend for a cup of coffee, get a manicure, stay in your jammies and watch movies all day, etc. You are Enough and, You are Worthy to do things that rejuvenate you and make you happy and feel energized. If you feel guilty doing this for yourself, get a friend to do it with you. Think about all that you do for others and not for yourself. If you feel better about yourself after doing self care, that will help you live the best version of you. Now you have somewhere to start on this journey of finding how you can live the Best You after 50 and so on. By focusing on You, what you are doing in your life, people you spend time with, how you feel about yourself, etc., you will start to see more of what you want. Be open and allow the real you to come out and live the best version of you!
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3 WAYS TO FIND BALANCE AFTER 50…

3 WAYS TO FIND BALANCE AFTER 50…

Do you go through your day rushing here and there and forgetting to do the things you needed to get done, or, do you go through your day with ease and fluidity? Which would you prefer? I’m guessing that it would be the latter; going through your day with ease and fluidity. Isn’t that a goal in life, to have calmness and allow things to just happen the way that is best for us? Well, this is our time to not only start thinking about this, but actually living it! It’s not that hard once you know what you need to do. So, here are 3 ways that you can find the balance you desire with ease and harmony.

  • What is your WHY? Why do you want to have a life of ease and fluidity? Dig down and keep asking yourself, ‘why’. So, for example, maybe you want a balanced life with ease and fluidity because you hate the chaos. Okay, but ‘why’ don’t you like the chaos? What else do you want and why? I can guarantee you, it’s not because you want an easier life. The answer is probably around the fact that you want a life of freedom, peace, or ease. 
  • Take 3 to 5 deep belly breaths. Relax your shoulders, breathe in through your nose and out through your nose or mouth and breathe slowly. Sit in quiet and just ask the question, “What would it feel like to live a life of ease and fluidity?” Don’t answer the question, just put it out there. Your question will be answered, just be open to it. It may not happen immediately. Just keep breathing slowly and focus on your body. What do you feel in your body, starting at your head and go down to your feet. Is there any tightness in your chest due to the chaos and overwhelm? Is there any pain? How big is this pain, tightness? What emotions come up? If you could name the color of  the physical pain/emotion, what would that color be? What is the shape of this pain, emotion? When you feel relaxed you can stop.
  • Now that you have your ‘Why” and you are aware of what you are feeling in your    body, it is time to choose ease into your body. You have to make the decision, the choice to feel ease and to live with fluidity. Even if you don’t feel the ease, just stop and breathe. State to yourself, “I choose to live in a state of ease and harmony.” You have to catch yourself when you start feeling overwhelmed and just caught up in the moment. Stop and breathe. You can put your hand over your heart and breathe through your heart. Breathing slowly and deeply. When you inhale, count to 4, and when you exhale, count to 4. Just keep repeating “I choose to live in a state of ease and harmony/fluidity.” Picture what your life looks like in a state of ease and harmony/fluidity. Tell yourself, “It’s okay that you keep going back to chaos. It’s okay. I love you. I am here with you.” The biggest thing is making this choice to live the life you desire and to be aware of your slipping back into the chaos, and breathing ease in. 

So, now you have 3 steps to start living a life of balance. It isn’t that hard, but it is something that takes a while to remember to keep going back to these steps when you fall back into the chaos and overwhelm. It takes 21 days to make a habit. Give this at least 21 days, faithfully doing these practices. I do this every morning when I wake up, before getting out of bed; along with my gratitude practice, etc. You will be amazed when you start to see changes. You may not even realize it at first. Enjoy living a life of balance, your life of ease and harmony. 

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Finding Health, Happiness and Grace

HEALTH, HAPPINESS AND GRACE

Are you in the habit of practicing grace? It sounds wonderful to do, however, we all get pushed and pulled by everyday life and it’s ups and downs that, at most times, guide us toward harboring anger and frustration. If we just take some time before we speak to gather our feelings and speak from a state of grace versus from a state of anger and frustration. This is how practicing grace can improve our overall health and lifestyle. By treating people the way we want to be treated, we decrease stress, anger and frustration, which all cause dis-ease. By practicing grace, we improve ourselves overall. 

What exactly is grace? Kathy Gottberg, author of ‘Finding Grace,’ defines graces as, “While the usual definition attaches all sorts of religious interpretations to the word, it is equally possible to accept it as a commonplace way of describing a serendipitous stream of unexpected good. In a similar way, that the word graceful is used to define elegance, refinement, and flow, grace-full can be used to describe an unhindered movement toward the unexpected and unearned rewards of a happy and fulfilled life.” Brene Brown states, “GRACE means that all of your mistakes now serve a PURPOSE instead of feeling shame.” In Kirsten Powers book, ‘Saving Grace,’ she states to “Speak your truth, stay centered, and learn to co-exist with people who drive you nuts.” By setting boundaries for yourself for what you are willing to discuss and what you aren’t willing to dive into, is practicing grace. When you set the boundaries, you don’t allow yourself to get into a situation that you may not be able to act in a state of grace. You may end up blowing up to people that just drive you crazy. (And, we all have those people in our families, as friends and work relations).  In the Mom-Forum, ’10 Ways to Practice Grace in your Daily Life,’ they say, “Practicing grace is making daily choices to interact in the world with courtesy and good will. That doesn’t mean you disregard boundaries but you give yourself space to be flexible with your perceived reality with acceptance and kindness.” Grace isn’t an easy process to start. It takes daily practice, along with ‘trial and error.’ Be patient with yourself.

Okay, so now we know what grace is, how do we start incorporating grace into our lives? According to the Mom-Forum, there are “10 Ways to Practice Grace in your Daily Life,” briefly stated below, per Mom-Forum:

  1. Starting with yourself by treating yourself with kindness.
  2. Learn to let go. We can’t control everything in our lives. Don’t hold onto things that end up putting you in a negative space.
  3. Practice daily gratitude. If you start from a state of thankfulness it’s much easier to act with grace. 
  4. Forgive. Let go of the anger. 
  5. Apologize. Accept responsibility for your actions.
  6. Be mindful. Be aware of how you move through your daily life. Try to be attuned to your feelings, your environment, and those you interact with.
  7. Speak kindly. Kind words can go a long way.
  8. Have compassion. When you act from a place of compassion, you are extending goodwill to those around you.
  9. Accept people for who they are. People are who they are and you can’t change them. Acceptance of who someone is allows you to make a better choice about how to interact with them moving forward.
  10. Have a sense of humor. We often take life too seriously. Sometimes a good laugh will do you better than a good cry.

 

I really looked at Mom-Forum’s 10 Ways to Practice Grace…, as above, and it sounds easy; however, it does take practice and a commitment to follow the above 10 steps above. It’s kind of like dieting. You can’t just make quick changes to your diet, you need to make it a life change, and commit to that life change.

Other steps you can take is set boundaries for yourself. What topics do you refuse to discuss with others? We were always taught don’t discuss religion, politics or money with others. That may be a good place to start! Another step is to write down some of these tips that you can put on your computer, bathroom mirror, or refrigerator as a reminder. The more you see your ‘cheat sheet,’ the more it will be on your mind. 

So how does finding and practicing grace help to improve your health? Look at how practicing gratitude changes your life. It makes you feel happier, more positive; makes you more aware of opportunities around you; makes you feel lighter; and makes it easier to deal with negative situations, for starters. This, in turn, decreases stress, which improves your health. The lighter and happier you feel allows you to address negative situations with increased grace, allowing you to build better and stronger relationships. When you are able to decrease stress, your immune system improves, you breathe easier and tend to lead a healthier life by eating healthier and exercising. Grace is like an extension of gratitude, which is why we benefit in the same ways from practicing grace as from having an attitude of gratitude. 

After reading this, my hope is that even one person decides to start practicing grace. It not only will help this world we live in, but will help you. You will feel better in so many ways. Just watch. Try it for 21 days and see how different you feel and how different you act. One person at a time…

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Gratitude

THE BENEFITS OF HAVING AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE 

How often do you say ‘thank you,’ and really mean it? Do you sit in silence and reflect on all that you have to be grateful for?  Do you sit and appreciate your family, friends, yourself…the big things. But, I’m also talking about every day things like, your morning coffee, a good nights’ sleep, your bed, the sun, the air you breathe, your body… Are you grateful and appreciative of all these things and do you address your gratitude? 

The Benefits of Being Grateful

According to a Harvard Health study, in a positive psychology research they state there are many benefits to having an attitude of gratitude. They found that “Gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”  By being grateful for the positive and negative, we will reap many benefits, as stated above. And, according to Lifehack.org, “An attitude of gratitude means that you operate from a place of abundance instead of a place of scarcity and fear. 

This is going to sound crazy, but are you grateful for the things in your life that may not be so good…the loss of a job, the loss of your credit card, a fender bender on your new car? Those aren’t as easy to be grateful for, however, you should be because it may be that one bad thing that can change your life, for the better. The more you are grateful for everything, the more you appreciate everything and the more that comes back to you to be grateful for. By being grateful for everything you receive, yes, even if it is bad, there is still always going to be something in that experience to learn from and to be grateful for. 

By being grateful for the more difficult aspects of your life that are challenging you, the more you will start seeing them as opportunities and you will start changing your whole mindset. This will, in turn, help you to become a better You. You will start looking at the ‘bad’ things as an opportunity to see the positive in the situation; what it is offering you to make a change. Remember the old saying by Alexander Graham Bell, ‘When one door closes another door opens?’ And, what about Helen Keller’s quote, ‘When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.’ When we can’t be grateful when one door closes, we are going to miss out on the opportunity that the new open door is presenting to us. When we can be grateful for the closed door, we will be able to see the opportunities presenting themselves to us and can then move forward. 

We also have to keep in mind that we cannot just focus on the outcome of gratitude. By this I mean, you can’t think, “Oh, I’m going to start being grateful for everything so that I get what I want out of it.” It doesn’t work that way, hence, the name, “gratitude.” You need to truly be grateful for what you receive, not to just do it in hopes of receiving.  Then watch what happens. By being honestly grateful, we can receive the abundance we want in our lives. 

Start having an attitude of gratitude by starting small. Every morning before starting your day, write down 3 things you are grateful for. Then, before you go to bed at night, write down 3 things you were grateful for that day. Once you get into that habit, start being grateful for little things throughout the day. You will notice that the more you are becoming mindful of gratitude, the more you will receive to be grateful. The act of gratitude will become habitual without you even realizing it. 

I am grateful for all of you reading this, and hope that you will start taking on (or continue with) an ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE, and watch your life change for the better, starting with just 3s comments of what you are grateful for. 

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Dementia: 5 Tips to a Calmer Holiday Season  

Are you stressing out about the holidays because of a loved one with dementia?   If so, read on. The holidays are stressful the way it is, but when one we love has dementia, we are even more stressed because of the known, but mostly because of the unknown. This is written from a professional background as a healthcare worker working with dementia, but also from a personal level. My mom had dementia, so I know the stress that is starting to build up. Below are 5 tips that helped me make the season calmer and more enjoyable for not only me, but my mom.

  1. Make time for yourself; be good to yourself and give yourself a break.

If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anything or anyone else. You need to realize that you can’t do it all, only do what you can, the best you can. Give yourself a break. Don’t listen to anyone who is complaining to you about everything you are doing wrong or not doing at all. If they aren’t caregiving, they don’t know what you are going through and how difficult it is. Make sure you practice self care. Take a warm bubble bath, go for a walk or exercise, eat healthy, drink plenty of water, watch a funny movie with a friend or go out for a quick coffee by yourself or with a friend. Find a sitter. You can check with an area church, ask friends, family, day care, respite care. Don’t feel guilty for doing this. You deserve doing something for yourself. You need to be at your best and stay healthy and happy. The happier and healthier you are, they better care you can give your loved one. If you can’t get out, ask a friend to come over and do something fun like watching funny movies. You can even include your loved one to have some fun with you. Laughter is the best medicine. 

  1. Involve the individual in the holiday preparations and the holiday activities, while trying to maintain as much normalcy in their routine.

Have your loved one feel a part of the holiday. Depending on what they are able to do and understand, have them help with food preparations, setting the table, folding napkins, making name tags for place settings. If they are at a later stage, have them fold napkins any way they can, color paper to make name tags on, give them a dust rag or Swiffer to help dust. Try to match an activity to their level. They may fight with it at first, but try again a little later, they may want to then. If they get too anxious, just say thank you and we will finish later. You don’t want to get them upset.

  1. Have a “safe/quiet room” where the individual can go if they start getting upset/overstimulated.

With all the activity going on during the holiday, you want to make sure you have someplace that the individual knows they can go to or you can take them to if they get overstimulated. Loud noise and commotion may very well cause stress, anxiety, and fear. When you notice the individual getting fussy or anxious, nonchalantly go up to them and take them to their safe place. You can have soft, calm music playing in the background that they like. Anything that you know of that they like to hold on to or do when they are agitated or anxious, have that for them to do, if they want.

  1. Plan your calendar accordingly for when you will need a sitter.

Remember, you want to have a calm and enjoyable holiday, therefore, plan ahead, well ahead. Look at your calendar and mark off what days/times you will need a sitter. If you don’t already have a sitter, as above, check with family, friends, your city’s Human Services Department, etc., to find a sitter. Ask friends if they know of anyone in the neighborhood that will do sitting for a couple hours. Hire them right away. It’s always smart to get a backup just in case if they cancel at the last minute. You can always hire a professional service that does home sitting. They usually have a minimum requirement of 3 to 4 hours. An area adult day care is another option. It not only gives you a break, but your loved one, as well. It also gives them stimulation with doing activities and being around other people. 

5.   And, last but not least, remember that your loved one wants to be involved, recognized and shown love. 

This one was the most important one for me with my mom. They are still “that person,” and should be given the love and respect (even if they are in a late stage of dementia) they deserve. Involving them in conversations, even if they cannot communicate, talking with them is important. Speak in short sentences. Do not give them too much at once. If you are asking them something, ask one short question at a time and give them extra time to respond (if they are able). Look them in the eye, go down to their level if sitting, sit next to them or kneel down facing them. Greet them slowly and with a loving smile. They will respond to your emotions/characteristics. If you are tense, they will be tense. If you look angry, they may shy away and/or respond in anger. They will also be warm and kind back to you if you are warm and kind to them. 

A loving way to be with them is to sit and hold their hand, put your arm around them, give then a kiss on the cheek. Look at pictures of past holidays and talk about the old days when “Dad used to dress up as Santa,” or “When Aunt Sally sang Christmas songs off key.” Talk about the old traditions and make new ones. 

Lastly, while involving your loved one and making them a part of the festivities, understand and expect the unexpected. There may be spills, accidents (have spare clothing, briefs, …) and arguments, but take them lightly. If you respond in a calm manner, the outcome will be calmer. 

Also, of note, is the pandemic. Briefly, everyone has their own opinion, but of utmost importance is the safety and health of the individual, due to age and being immunocompromised.  

In closing, the holidays are probably going to be somewhat stressful due to many reasons, however, we can keep them as calm and enjoyable for ourselves, and for our loved one with dementia. Even if you feel they are not “themselves” or remember anyone or anything, they can feel the love of a touch, hug, and feel the warmth of a smile, or loving look into their eyes (at eye level). They may not remember any of the day, but they will have a sense of warmth, love and happiness to take with them. It’s making them happy and feeling loved in the moment, because that is all they have… is the moment. So, don’t be stressed about the holidays, be calm and enjoy your loved one with dementia, for your sake, as well as theirs’. You never know if this will be their last holiday with you! Enjoy them and all their inconsistencies and idiosyncrasies. Happy Holidays.